We all get labeled something throughout our life. Isn't that great? People who have no idea who you are get to label you as something. Labels are a way for others to judge someone, to make themselves feel better. As with everything I do In life, I'm going to be completely transparent with one of the many things I get labeled as, and express how it's just become a personality trait to go along with it. Because, why bother trying to change someone's opinion of you when those that truly know you know the truth? We can let those insecurities win and try to defend ourselves or find humor in it and take control of it. I personally look at it as: if it makes you feel better about yourself, let's go with it.
“Hoe Life or No Life” and “C-E-Hoe” are hands down my favorite comments to make about myself.. why's this? Any female anymore that is slightly promiscuous is going to be labeled a hoe, slut, or whore. Because we have been sexualized our whole lives, god forbid we take control over the sexualization. What's the point of trying to change someone's opinion when you can live carefree and let people think what they want and if they actually care, they can easily look into the type of person you are?
By no means is this a pity party. I would never want anyone to feel this is some sorta sob story. It came to me, and I knew it was meant to be talked about, because I'm 100% not the only one who deals with this. A little back story... I lost my virginity at the age of 12. 12 years old, 6th grade. FRESHLY OUT OF 5th GRADE. To someone who is a little over 4 years older than me. Funny thing is, before this happened, I already had a reputation for being the "town whore". Pretty heavy label to put on someone who wasn't even a teenager yet. That is one of the many perks of growing up in a small town. What's even better? It follows you from kids your age and parents in the community. So at 12 years old, I had no idea how fucked up this was, and I just let it go and believed it myself. Everyone informed me of it, and how gross I was so it must be true.. right? Because how dare a 12-year-old have sex.. you are right, blame it on her. Make sure she knows that's the only thing she's good for at a young age. Hold up..Who the fuck told society this is what we do? Who the fuck is a grown ass adult making these remarks instead of helping that child. I'm all about taking responsibility, so I absolutely will take some of the blame for putting myself in a situation where this occurred. I was in the wrong group of friends, and all I knew is that it was normal. As word got around, rumors started to escalate. To this day, one that personally stuck with me was how, “I had 4 abortions by throwing myself down the stairs”. I would love to publicly announce who the girl was that started this rumor, but what good does that do when I can only hope she grew from middle school? Which, the ironic part is, if you read my pregnancy blog this is a topic I would absolutely own up to.
So now, looking back, I’m like “that's insanely fucked up”. As rumors started to escalate, so did the disrespect from men who had no morals in life. This led to multiple occasions of grown men, 18+ years old, waiting for me to get off the bus in middle school and refusing to let me go home until I slept with them. I grew to become used to it, thinking it was normal, and that's just how sex worked. Actually, my mind frame was so fucked up, I was like “aww that's flattering, that an older man wants me.. I must be so mature for my age.” Absolutely not. They were 100% pedophiles and I was a kid who didn't know any better.
I swore for the longest time you were supposed to have to be convinced, threatened, degraded, or manipulated into sleeping with someone. NEWS FLASH.. that's not how that works. Even when you tried saying no, or leaving the situation, 1 of these were used against me for their personal gain. Still, why does it matter though? Who would believe a fresh teenager when these older guys are saying much different? At that point, what's the point of fighting it? You can hands down be in tears begging someone to get off of you and they aren't going to care. You can express no and they will still come for it. They will degrade you and remind you of the only thing you are good for until you give in. Until you physically don't know how much more you can do until they will stop… so you just give in… so you can leave, and go back to your normal life pretending like everything's great. You can break down in tears hoping it might get someone to stop.. it won't. Because if someone wants it, they aren't going to stop. You can try to leave the situation, and watch your car keys be taken, or get physically assaulted until you give in. Matter of fact you can try to fight, but it's just going to make things worse for you. The reality is, this will 100% change your view of yourself.
When something happens at a younger age and you don't fully understand how you are supposed to feel, and all those around you tell you, “you are nothing but a whore and it's all your fault.” You form these interpretations of yourself based on outside judgment. Those labels given become solely the thing we believe and define ourselves by. I know for me, I became so detached from sex that it meant absolutely nothing to me. I was used to being an object. Only thing I was good for anyways. This caused problems in serious relationships when I finally felt like I was with someone to open up to about this, and they just treated me like an object. What makes matters even worse, is when the one you swore was your person would remind you of how “you would go back to being used and abused” because “without him that's the only thing you're good for.” Or he would continue getting his way no matter what, even if you laid there in tears.
I will admit, I am so grateful for how he helped me realize why I didn't have any sort of emotions towards sex, but I will not forgive him for also using it against me at the same time because, he was “just naturally more superior, and I needed to not forget that.” (Follow along on the marriage series for those life lessons). As I said, this label for me specifically has been going on for over 10 years. I will also own up to the fact of letting this label get the best of me and defining by it myself to the point where “what's the point of defending yourself?” It's easier to handle the bullshit if you just make a mockery out of it as well.
Let's dive right in. When I was pregnant, and since the donor was not involved, I always got to hear how I didn't know who the father was. So, I took matters into my own hands, and started the rumor that I had no idea and there were like 5 different options. That is not the mature thing to do in any matter, but to this day that's still what I do. When I worked for the department of corrections, I was even fortunate enough to be informed by the commander that I was “only there for attention,” and how me being dressed in khakis and a black shirt was me "dressing like a whore." Then, most recently at the place of work, I was informed that someone was telling me that I'm known as a hoe and "everyone has hit it". Which is news to me. Let's break down my current life and the red flags of being Hoe.
I openly admit I used to dance after having my son, and I will forever admit it was THE BEST confidence boost ever during that time for me. I recently got out of an insanely abusive relationship which I could only imagine what's being fed to others. I think we all know I would have admitted to anything by now, because I'm all about accountability and I have owned up to the fucked up shit I did do during that time. I started an OnlyFans (WHAT A WHORE, right?). And from my perspective: if I have been labeled something my whole life, I might as well make a profit off of it. I'm solely talking from my perspective on this. I have no interest in even holding a casual conversation with someone at this point in my life, so why would I ever wanna send someone pictures? The control is in my hands of what I post, and I profit from it. "IT'S SO DEGRADING!" Well at least I'm not sending it out for free. My personal preference is that I also don't reply back to messages on anything, because I have control. I'm not going to make custom content just because someone asks me to. OnlyFans in my opinion doesn't define me, but I'm not going to hide it either because I'm not fake. Does it come with a label of thinking I just do anything with anyone? ABSOLUTELY. What was the difference before I had it though? People are going to think what they want. So let them.
The most crazy thing I will have to admit that happened, because I'm so public with my life, is that someone found it appropriate to show up to my place of business, pull out a stack of cash and demand sex... Now if this is your mindset because a girl has an OF, you are what's wrong with society. You are more than likely one who sexualized a child because a grown man took advantage of her. A female has confidence and a sexy style of clothing and that makes her easy right? That's the mindset of so many in society still, yet there are COUNTLESS badass women business owners that crush society. I own a business, and I can't tell you the countless times I've been informed I only have my business because "I sleep around." Forget all the hard work and consistency of pushing through the hard times. I personally think my favorite remark is when another business owner decided to inform me about how “pathetic” I am because I “sell” myself and I'm “just a whore.” Afterwards, this individual decided to "show support" via social media for my business, but messaged me everyday to inform me of what he really thought. It speaks on him though because I can honestly say I never met him, and to this day, I hope I never do. Because, to be filled with that much hate you take it out on strangers, is not the people I want in my life. I’m trying not to turn this into an anti-men rampage, because I know I have been destroyed by an equal amount of females as well. If I turned it into a full anti-men rampage, I would be neglecting my life currently, after a brutal time of becoming self-aware and working on healing.
I knew the unhealthy relationship with feeling like an object needed to be addressed. If I wanted others to stop treating me like an object, I had to stop feeling like one myself, which has recently helped to develop my current relationship with myself and others. However, its been 12 years, which is half of my life, being treated a certain way and there comes to a point you stop giving a fuck and letting people think what they want. It's come to the point where if someone says something about “what they heard about me,” I inform them about what I'm sure it's regarding. I'm huge on taking control of situations, however the way people view you is on them, especially when they are unaware of who you are and they base a judgment off of appearance or rumors. That speaks volumes on someone’s character, however, there is nothing you can do about it.
People are going to think what they want and you can try standing up for yourself, but there will come a time where it's honestly easier to let go of that energy and, hell, start cracking jokes from it! What you can control is how you let the negativity influence you. Taking the control back and not letting others’ opinions destroy you is one of the most empowering things anyone can do. Bottom line, we are all going to have those who have a false reality of who you are and if they want to believe those perceptions, they don't deserve to know the real you. I've talked to so many people about how they can't stand when people spread lies about them, which I agree it's a bummer. But, if they really judge before getting to know you... Are they worth your energy?
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